P. and J. started coming to RETA last summer, expecting their first child. As a young couple not long past high school, they had struggled to find consistent employment. They were not sure about how they would handle their future housing needs. P seemed unclear on what his role and responsibility were going to be. J was excited but a little uncertain about motherhood. She told about her difficult childhood but also shared that while her mother was pregnant with her, she got a cancer diagnosis but postponed treatment until J was born.
Not long after enrollment, P found a good job, and he still works there. They found a good apartment, and they have been able to make it a home. They were very faithful to appointments and wise about using their dollars in our Family Store. They prepared for their baby very intentionally and in practical ways. They also talked about preparing emotionally, both for the birth and for their adjustment to parenthood.
Multiple times, I affirmed P’s effort at getting ready for fatherhood and for his commitment to J. She affirmed him especially in contrast to some of their friends, and they both felt very prepared to become parents. “I’m all in” was a great statement from him on one occasion.
Their baby was born, safely and happily in February. They continue to come, in order to increase their parenting knowledge and skills. They are figuring out the best sleeping and waking times. They hope their son will share their love for music and they are clearly in love with this little boy. They express thanks for the items from the store and usually make an effort to tell about any positive developments in their life. It has been a joy to see their relationship strengthen and to watch them become mom and dad together.
Although we make an effort to build genuine relationships with our clients, we typically do not have much physical contact with them. We want to be respectful about personal space, and do not want them to feel any kind of pressure or have an opportunity to misinterpret our actions.
That said, I often make an effort to shake the hand of a male client, either as they arrive or are about to leave. There is something unique about men shaking hands. This small gesture can indicate respect, equality, camaraderie, and that there is peace between them. Most guys really appreciate a handshake, as many seem to experience little positive touch in their lives.
One day in February, I got a very nice surprise. At the end of two different appointments, the men I had met with reached out and hugged me tight! C was by himself, trying to navigate being a good dad to his young son while also trying to negotiate a rocky relationship with the boy’s mother. D was with his pregnant wife, learning alongside her about the details of pregnancy and preparing for parenthood. As our time wrapped up, I had prayed with both of them. We had talked and I had tried to encourage them. Nothing about either appointment seemed amazing to me, but both of these men could hardly contain their own emotions and expressed some of it with a strong hug. I received their hugs, squeezed back a bit, and probably mumbled some kind of thanks and another word of encouragement.
It was humbling and an honor to receive grace and gratitude from these guys in this way. It felt a little bit like our Heavenly Father saying, Nice job.
by Jeff, Men’s Coaching Manager