Men participate in Men’s Coaching at RETA for a variety of reasons, with different motivations, and each brings a unique assortment of personal experiences through our doors. Some are good dads who will benefit from encouragement and guidance. Some will be new dads soon, and need information and assurance. Some have had issues with authority or legal concerns. Most want input about relationships, with their children as well as with the women in their life.
One client with legal issues found out his son was engaging in the same type of behavior that got dad in trouble. We talked about how to manage that potentially awkward discussion. Another dad of a young teen daughter is navigating the process of divorce while setting a good example. They have a good relationship and he is trying to balance her growing independence with his desire to provide important advice and direction. A third father has a blended family where there is competition with other parents for kids’ time and attention. Efforts to show affection and to communicate positively often fall victim to circumstances or assumptions or disrespect. Dad often struggles with self-confidence and self-destructive behavior.
You may be able to imagine the intense frustration some of these guys feel. Some days bring a roller coaster of emotions, and they have doubts about their positive influence. Even when men take responsibility for past poor choices, it usually still means having to work through consequences. Being teachable is an important quality that comes easier to some of us than others. In our sessions, guys are able to gain skills for communication, parenting, goal-setting, and more. They are able to talk about things that help them better manage their situations and have healthier relationships.
In a recent conversation, a client and I talked about how our sessions typically involve two components. One is being reflective; that is, not just charging forward or acting rashly or fixing something, as many men tend to do. Rather, guys are able to reflect on their situation and their past actions, and then are able to move forward with a little more insight. The other is being relationship centered; by this I mean most of the materials we cover are in the context of parenting or marriage or a dating relationship. In fact, most people do most things in the context of relationships. We make decisions, cook meals, make purchases, and do our work with at least some thought about how others will be affected.
Men’s Coaching offers more than idle talk about sports or cars or barbeque—although those are important, too. We want men to move forward with information, encouragement, skills, and hope, as they impact their families and our community.
by Jeff, Men’s Coaching Manager