This happened toward the end of the year around November. I had just come back from a trip and at the time of my life I was really at a rocky, low state of mind just trying to figure out my life. Three weeks after I came back from the trip, I found out I was pregnant. I was lost. I didn't know what to do. I was literally crying, freaked out because I didn't really expect for it to happen.
It put me in fear because I didn't want my mother knowing. At the time we didn't have the best relationship - I didn't have the best relationship with any of my family members. My mom and I were just never close and always arguing. Telling her, “I just found I was pregnant,” I was in fear that she was going to actually kick me out or something like that due to her experience when she was first pregnant with me.
Abortion was an option for me. I thought about it just out of the fear of being judged by my family. The hospital got me connected to two places, RETA and a women’s center, which I didn't know at the time and my first instinct was to call RETA. I got connected with them and met them the following day which is where I met Melody, a nurse. Melody was sweet. She was very helpful and asked a lot of questions about my life and what made me come here and everything like that. I took a couple tests and it was confirmed that I was three weeks pregnant. She said if I had any more questions or want to meet with her, just to come to the RETA building.
Amber was a person that I talked to at RETA because she had an experience in her life where she did go through abortion and she regretted it very much. Something just brought me to keep the baby and do the experience by myself. At the time I did not care about doing this by myself because I didn't want to put my body through something and go through regret and have to be even in more depression than what I already was.
After that I just started building a relationship with Melody, getting to know her and her getting to know me - about my life, was father involved, anything like that. Around my birthday I found out that I was having a girl. I was very excited about that her. Hearing her first heartbeat was life-changing because I could actually hear it. Yes, there might have been something moving but actually hearing something coming into life was something that I refused to get rid of. I feel like I would be giving a life away rather than just getting rid of an organism. That's what made the switch. It made me change my mind and I said, “No, I'm actually going to choose to handle the responsibility that I created for myself.” It was like, “Okay. I'm really going to be a mom.”
I started moms’ coaching around the beginning of the year with Joni. Joni has been such a wonderful person ever since then. I've learned a lot of things about parenting, about the baby, and just how the baby has been growing over time. I honestly did not think I was going to have the support group that I needed until I actually told my family that I was pregnant and they were very happy. That's when mom's and my relationship began to come together and build up from there. My mom was very, very excited at the time (and now). She was shocked as well, but mostly excited. I was even more shocked that my family was actually really supportive rather than very judgy about me being pregnant.
What I'm really looking forward to like about parenting is getting to know my child, how having my baby is going to build more of a relationship with me and my mom, how my mom is going to be – basically learning and growing with my daughter and just making sure she can have the best experience in her life rather than the experience that I had or my mom had. I want her to get to know you guys (RETA) of course, because you guys are a big part of why I'm on this journey now and why she's still here to this day.
RETA has been a family. It has been a go-to. It has been a number one support group. I would say that RETA has been my second family. I can come in here anytime, and they’ll ask how I'm doing, how my life is going, asking if I need anything. Praying for me has been so important because at the time I didn't really feel close to God. You guys here at RETA are very close to God and just pray for me and pray for my blessings, always making sure that I'm getting the best care possible, making sure that if there's anything I need, they'll pray for me. They'll always be number one. They'll always support me, always say, “You got this, we believe in you.”
Hearing that from somebody that I just met rather than hearing that from my family is totally different because I never knew you guys before and didn't know that someone I just met less than a year ago could have such a big place in my heart. RETA has been very amazing in my life, so I would say I want to thank Joni seeing the change, the shift in my life, and actually helping me share my story to other people.
If you are in fear of letting your family know, there's always other people out here that are really are willing to support you in any way. Just keep looking forward and yes, the journey may be hard, but I promise that it will all be worth it.
by Johntella, RETA Client