I have shared many times with our staff that “everybody cries in my office”. That is actually a good thing, and I will explain. There are many stereotypes about men. One is, Men don’t talk. Surprise—we do. A second is, Men won’t share about personal things. Surprise again—we do, when the circumstances seem safe to do so. Finally, Men don’t cry. The truth is, men actually do all those things, at least in Men’s Coaching sessions at RETA. Regardless of why they connect here, the fathers we meet with love their kids, they want to spend more time with them, they want to leave behind bad parenting habits (sometimes learned growing up), and they want to become the best dad they can.
A client I will call Chas got involved recently. The last few years of his life have brought great pain and regret. He was glad to tell about achieving 12 months of sobriety, and said he wanted to learn “how to be a man”. He does not have access to his children and wanted to talk about issues other than parenting. I explained our Men’s Coaching program and clarified that it is not counseling. In one of his first sessions, we discussed how our inner character can be revealed by our behavior. We talked about what is true of us and what we aspire to be. He talked about being a tough guy and looking like one but that he is really compassionate on the inside. Throughout the session, he became more deeply moved, then gave in and cried. Before he left, he expressed his appreciation for our talk. Through tears and a laugh, he said, “You said this wouldn’t be counseling”.
Not long ago, a man training to serve as a volunteer coach observed a new client’s enrollment session that was led by me. The volunteer and I listened to the client’s story, and heard his heart to just be a good dad after having made so many mistakes. Before we finished, there were three sets of wet eyes.
Please remember to pray for the dads, including Chas, who come to RETA. Kids need their dad, and they need their dads to be the best men they can be.
by Jeff, Men’s Coaching Manager