Immersion

Throughout my life, I tried and tried to get to safety, but it only got further away.

Months ago, I was literally so far away from safety that I was sure I was going to die. I refer to that experience as the time I took “a dip.” Because I had been so high, I don’t know how it happened, but somehow, I found myself completely engulfed in the dark and frigid waters of St. Joe River, and no matter how crazy-hard I dogpaddled, I couldn’t get to shore. Whether I was pushed or fell in on my own, I will never know. My brain was completely controlled by the drugs. In the water for hours before being rescued, I suffered from extreme hypothermia. I was hospitalized and then sent to a nursing home for several months of rehab.

This certainly wasn’t the first time I was in over my head in darkness. My descent into darkness began at the age of 11 when I was forced into a situation I could not escape. By the time I was 14, I was fully addicted to hard drugs because the horror of my life was too much to carry. Security and safety were remote dreams. My trauma, combined with my addictions, fueled my paranoia and sense of worthlessness. Two decades of running away and living in homeless shelters deepened my depression. I was lost. Alone.

I never knew real love. When I came to Faith Mission, they connected me to Celebrate Recovery and RETA. Through the support of all three organizations, I got my first glimpse of hope, of unconditional love. People were put on my path to show me God’s grace and mercy. The more I was around people who showed me God’s love, the more I wanted to be like them. The safer I felt, the more I wanted God in my daily life. So much so, that I am inviting my Savior into my heart through baptism. All this time, He had been pursuing me. I know who I am. I know whose I am. I am God’s beloved child.

Once again immersed in water, this time I am enveloped in love. Where there was darkness and chaos, there is now light and hope.

-- A RETA mentee