The Power of One

After months of meeting with her mentor and working through layers and layers of trauma, an overwrought mother finally convinced the father of her newborn to come in and learn about our men’s programming. She was exhausted from the daily barrage of verbal abuse whittling away at her self-worth.  

This father came to RETA guarded, certainly skeptical. With social expectations of masculinity deeply rooted, the stigma he felt was palpable when coming through our doors. While Darial spoke with him privately, Darial felt the Holy Spirit urge him to share his own story, a story of an absent father, of poverty, of disfunction: A story of missteps and despair, but also a story of grace and promise. As trust quickly built, this young man opened up about his own frustrations and feelings of abandonment, and at one point, revealed that he just felt so hollow inside. A flood of tears followed, opening a chasm into which Darial poured the Gospel.

Imagine for a moment the rawness of that vulnerability. A man who misunderstood power as something to wield over a woman as a verbal weapon was now rendered powerless, or so he thought, in front of another man. However, that is not how God works. It is through our vulnerability and brokenness that we are drawn closer to God. Through our fragility, we discover our divine worth. Weakness confounds strength.

Although this is just the beginning, it prompted this young man to desire change, to become the best man he could possibly be. Most importantly, it has established the bonds of a trusted relationship, one that offers healing…

And power.

A Meal, a Cake, and a Cornfield: A Simple Yes

Recently, a beloved graduate of our “Hope and Healing” workshop revealed that her upcoming birthday would be met with a sense of melancholy. Because of a past filled with trauma, birthdays for her were lonely and demoralizing. Rather than celebration and joy, birthdays evoked anxiousness and emptiness. As the day drew nearer, she grew more pensive.

Asked what her perfect birthday would entail, she responded with a far off look in her eyes, “I would run through a cornfield and eat German chocolate cake.”

Cornfields and cake. Not what we were expecting.

Given the ubiquity of cornfields in our area, we found it hard to believe she had never been in one. It is almost a rite of passage for children in this area to run through a corn maze at some point in their childhood. However, for this woman, childhood was brutally cut short and replaced with the burdens of adulthood before she was old enough to tie her own shoes.

When asked if she had any birthday memories tinged with joy, she remembered, “Once, my father made me mashed potatoes and meatloaf. It was my favorite meal.”

Sarah Elledge ultimately got wind of this story, and she was determined to give our sweet friend her perfect birthday. Questioned if it was possible to pull off in such a short notice, Sarah simply said, “Yes.” Therefore, she invited our mentee to her home, which abuts a vast cornfield. As the evening sun cast a warm glow over the field, our friend ran through rows and rows of corn. Stalks clinging to her hair and shirt, she giggled with delight. Afterwards, they celebrated with meatloaf (courtesy of Sarah’s husband), mashed potatoes, and yes, German chocolate cake (store bought, not courtesy of Sarah’s amazing husband).

As the sun set, they relaxed on the back deck while listening to Lauren Daigle sing. Reflections on growth, one’s sense of worth, and God’s grace ushered in the night sky. At the conclusion of the celebration, our friend tearfully confessed, “I have never felt this much love on my birthday.” 

And all it took was a simple yes. 

Cushioned

Cushioned 

She is a walk-in. Timid? Nervous? Embarrassed? It isn’t clear, but her speech is halted, hesitant. She sits down at the front desk, and in a voice barely above a whisper, she asks what kind of services we provide. She soon reveals that she is pregnant. No, this isn’t her first child. Her first is only nine months old, and the thought of another baby unnerves her. Lips tremble. Tears well up in her eyes. 

She is introduced to all the layers of RETA: prenatal care, prenatal classes, a Mamas and Munchkins group, counseling, one-on-one mentorship, group mentorship, pathway classes, our family store, etc. With the explanation of each service, her body relaxes, and as we set up her first prenatal appointment, she offers a tentative smile.  

Cushioned from the impact of life, she now has a place to rest. No doubt a temporary respite, but it is enough to create newfound hope and strength. 

A God Thing

A God Thing 

Pastor Joel, a male mentor at RETA, meets with a 16-year-old boy who has been sent here from probation. The other day, Pastor Joel sent us this message: 

“An incredible ‘God thing’ happened last week during our 7th meeting. At the end of our session, my client shared that God had used this mentorship to bring him back to Christ. He didn't want to stop meeting with me. He told me he had been reading his Bible, praying, and now God was convicting him that he needed to start bringing his girlfriend and baby to church. He wants to be a mature man in Christ as shown in Scripture. He asked me if Heart City Church would judge a couple of 16-year-olds with a baby. I told him, ‘No way!’ He came with his girlfriend and the baby last Sunday, and he told me yesterday they are coming this Sunday too! “ 

Immersion

Immersion 

Throughout my life, I tried and tried to get to safety, but it only got further away.  

Months ago, I was literally so far away from safety that I was sure I was going to die. I refer to that experience as the time I took “a dip.” Because I had been so high, I don’t know how it happened, but somehow, I found myself completely engulfed in the dark and frigid waters of St. Joe River, and no matter how crazy-hard I dogpaddled, I couldn’t get to shore. Whether I was pushed or fell in on my own, I will never know. My brain was completely controlled by the drugs. In the water for hours before being rescued, I suffered from extreme hypothermia. I was hospitalized and then sent to a nursing home for several months of rehab.  

This certainly wasn’t the first time I was in over my head in darkness. My descent into darkness began at the age of 11 when I was forced into a situation I could not escape. By the time I was 14, I was fully addicted to hard drugs because the horror of my life was too much to carry. Security and safety were remote dreams. My trauma, combined with my addictions, fueled my paranoia and sense of worthlessness. Two decades of running away and living in homeless shelters deepened my depression. I was lost. Alone. 

I never knew real love. When I came to Faith Mission, they connected me to Celebrate Recovery and RETA. Through the support of all three organizations, I got my first glimpse of hope, of unconditional love. People were put on my path to show me God’s grace and mercy. The more I was around people who showed me God’s love, the more I wanted to be like them. The safer I felt, the more I wanted God in my daily life. So much so, that I am inviting my Savior into my heart through baptism. All this time, He had been pursuing me. I know who I am. I know whose I am. I am God’s beloved child. 

Once again immersed in water, this time I am enveloped in love. Where there was darkness and chaos, there is now light and hope. 

-- A RETA mentee 

If These Walls Could Talk

If these walls could talk...  

 You would overhear a young couple contemplating abortion. With two toddlers and limited income, they just don’t see a way. If you could sit in the waiting room with them, you would see their downcast faces and agitated gestures.

These are the faces of despair.  

 What you would also hear are the nurse and community health nurse assuring this couple they are no longer alone, that there are layers of support we can offer. As we wrap around this bewildered couple, you would notice subtle transformations. And with her first OB appointment scheduled and his enrollment into our men’s mentorship program, they look different walking out of our building.

These are the faces of hope. 

Gilgal Stones

Gilgal Stones 

After miraculously crossing the Jordan River into the Promised Land, the Israelites took 12 stones out of the Jordan to create a memorial marking what God had done among His people. The stones served as a reminder of what they had to leave behind in order to go with God: each stone, a symbol of their past burdens but also a remembrance of God’s transformative power. 

Women in our “Hope and Healing Workshops” learn to confront the effects of trauma on their lives and identify paths toward resilience, change, and growth. Each woman has a metaphorical backpack she carries that contains the trauma and adverse experiences from her past. We help her open that backpack to understand what she has been carrying and what needs to be released. Our goal with these workshops is to point women toward God’s healing grace and truth. 

One of our activities early on is to have each woman choose a rock, and on her rock, she creatively places her burdens, whether that is painting symbols or writing words that capture her shame. She then lays down her rock -- a tangible reminder of her wounds -- in RETA’s landscaping around our tree of life. For so many of our clients, their wounds become their identity, an identity based upon lies. 

When cohort #1 recently graduated from this nine-week course, they once again took up their rocks. This time, however, they flipped them over and painted a revision describing themselves as God sees them – their true identity. Shame was replaced by redemption; guilt, forgiveness; despair, hope. And one last time, they placed their rocks around RETA’s tree of life where they will remain as a memorial to God’s transformational love. 

Worthy

She feels the stares. She sees the looks of judgment. She hears the whispers behind her back, but no voice is as loud as the one in her head. Unworthy. 

She came to RETA’s Christmas Store in December. The vision of gifts under the tree was all but nonexistent for this mother of ten. Months earlier, they had been homeless and living out of a car. Now with a roof over their heads, life was better, but she and her husband could hardly make ends meet, let alone provide for Christmas. They left RETA that day with gifts for their children, but even better, a commitment to our mentorship program. 

Building trust-based relationships is at the heart of RETA’s Mentorship program. Vulnerable and humble, our mentors invite the mentees into their lives, sharing with them everyday things, and more importantly, sharing their faith and joy in knowing Christ. 

Today, this client’s teenage daughter baked cookies with her mentor. As they mixed, scooped, and baked, they seamlessly addressed so many nuances of adolescence while also exploring faith. Side by side, they created bonds. Side by side, they uncovered joy. 

Weekly, this client comes to us, sometimes with family members, sometimes alone. Weekly, we encourage and empower her while addressing physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Weekly, she comes closer to realizing the truth about herself, the truth that in God’s eyes, she is WORTHY. 

Valued

Older than many of our clients, he comes to learn about our mentorship program. As he enters, he exclaims, “It sure does smell good in here!” That is because freshly brewed coffee sits on the entry table along with some cookies. When they are offered to him, he seems surprised. 

 His eyesight is compromised by diabetes, so one of us sits with him and fills out his intake form. Afterwards, he is greeted by Pastor Joel, his mentor. When sharing about his life, he reveals he is addicted to cigarettes, and one day, when he only had ten dollars in his pocket, he was set to go out and buy a pack. However, his daughter came to him needing money. He confesses, “Man, I wanted my smokes so bad, but that was my daughter! I had to give her the money.” 

 Pastor Joel connects this to the concept of sacrifice, and leaning in, asks our client if he is a man of faith. When he nods, Pastor conveys how sacrifice is the cornerstone of the Gospel, how Christ is the ultimate sacrifice.  

At the end of their session, this client seems confused. He asks, “How do I earn points for the Family Store? I haven’t watched a video.” A former coaching client, he is used to this transactional piece. When told he is welcome to take a few items to get him through the week and that points aren’t necessary, he blurts, “Ooh wee! Things sure are different around here.” Asked how that makes him feel, he answers with one word. 

“Valued.” 

Betty Knows

Long gray hair in a braid, hobbled gait, she enters our doors, and we smile. Betty’s here!  

Betty often stops by RETA on her trek from the library to her home, a home located a few blocks north of RETA, an impoverished area in Elkhart. A savant, Betty doesn’t read social cues and punctuates every sentence with a giggle, yet she never forgets a single detail of what she reads. Betty loves everything to do with Right to Life, and she excitedly shares the latest news, research, or items that might benefit RETA. One day it might be a clipped article she printed at the library; another day it might be a pack of flesh toned crayons of every skin color, so our clients’ children have crayons that match their skin. Not too long ago, Betty stopped by and gave RETA $90.00 from her savings. Such a significant amount! 

Richard Wurmbrand, in Alone with God, states, “I wish to be an ‘I’ no longer. I reject my ‘I.” My desire is to be a ‘He.’ ‘When He is revealed, we shall be like Him’ (1 John 3:2).” Christ, the perfect sacrifice, teaches us the purpose of surrendering. When we give everything over to God, we are blessed beyond imagination. Of this, I am sure... 

Betty knows. 

Abundant Hope

Makeup smudged by tears, she sits in our medical wing, her toe nervously tapping the floor. Seventeen weeks pregnant. Living conditions tenuous. Already a mother of a six- and thirteen-year-old. There is a quiet strength she exudes. 

A week later she returns for mentoring. She offers a tentative smile. Someone is here who will hear her story. A story of abandonment, of dropping out of high school, of addiction to meth. A story of sacrifice for her children, of fighting to stay clean, of wanting to move forward. When told she is street smart, she is skeptical. No one has ever referred to her as smart. A flicker of hope appears in her eyes.  

That flicker ignites the desire to study for the GED, and her mentor offers to walk alongside her on this journey. It begins with a small step, but a step toward pride, toward hope. Hope springs eternal when its source is in God, and it is this hope that opens the door to abundant life. 

RETA Welcomes New Executive Director, Stacey Gagnon

Roxana Konopinski has faithfully led RETA as Executive Director these past 18 years.  From two part-time employees (Roxana was one of them), to a staff of 15+ providing men’s and women’s coaching, abortion recovery support, family store supplies and medical services including pregnancy testing, first trimester ultrasound, abortion pill reversal, STD testing and treatment with more services soon to come!  Roxana retires after having led RETA’s journey into a beautiful new debt-free building in downtown Elkhart. 

We will remain eternally grateful to Roxana and her husband Tom’s commitment to honor Christ by honoring families and life.

We are excited to introduce our new Executive Director, Stacey Gagnon. 

Stacey and her husband Darren are Grace College graduates with 7 children, 5 of which are adopted.  They founded Lost Sparrows, a not-for-profit ministry as a result of working with foster children and adopting children with special needs in eastern Europe. 

Stacey and Darren are educators along with Stacey also being a Registered Nurse and national speaker at conferences with a focus on helping families understand the effects of trauma. 

Stacey and Darren have written a book to support families of special needs children entitled “Cowboy Joel and the Wild Wild West”.  They’ve appeared on the Today Show and Focus on the Family to share their adoption and family experiences. 

We are excited for Stacey’s heart and passion to lead RETA and can’t wait for you to meet her!

Couple Prepares for a Baby

In Couples’ Coaching we often serve young couples expecting their first child. A married couple due later this fall has been participating for about five months. Initially their levels of excitement about having a baby did not match, but things are on a positive trajectory. At home and at RETA they are having healthy conversations about concerns and hopes, their individual pasts and their future together. Their desire to connect here was due partly to the new and scary experience of pregnancy, and partly to talk about how to get on the same page.

They have been patient with each other and are asking good questions. She seems to be welcoming the role of mom and he is working hard to prepare the house and their property for the new seasons ahead—both in their family and with the weather. He admits to not always knowing how to communicate perfectly and has chosen an attitude of humble teachableness. He is working on being proactive and discerning her needs. As they navigate this new path, they are processing through how to appreciate the generous baby showers while developing healthy boundaries with family.

The love they have for each other and for this new life God is blessing them with is evident as we spend time together. Pray for continued health, a strengthened marriage, and a blessed, special delivery.

-Jeff Fater, Men’s Coaching Manager

A Father Learns and Makes Changes

A male client who has been involved in Men’s Coaching for about 15 months agreed to share about his experience at RETA.

The biggest learning lesson I have come away with is how to control my anger with my son. Whenever I received calls or was forced to leave work due to his behavior at school, I did not have the tools to display self-control. Since RETA, I have been able to focus my anger into constructive discipline.

Another area I have benefitted from RETA is how to be a better parent. RETA has provided me with the tools for discipline and relationship with my son. There have been many positive changes in our home since coming to RETA. Setting some rules has brought us more structure, even though I have a lot more to learn.

When I first came to RETA, my son had multiple complaints and issues at school. It improved last year and so far, this year there have been no complaints or issue with him at school. My son’s behavior has improved, and he is listening better to the teachers.

My personal communication with teachers and administrators has improved. I didn’t know how to interact with the school system here since I grew up in Haiti. The tools RETA provided allow me to have better discussions with staff and faculty, along with being able to understand my son’s report cards.

My Spiritual growth has increased. I am closer to God and feel I don’t neglect my relationship with God like before.

I have a greater hope for the future now that I know how to meet my goals.

Since coming to RETA, I have learned to be a better parent, and specifically raising a son. If he has children in the future, I feel more prepared to be a big part of my grandkids lives.

I am now more patient, and not the same as before. I am a different person.

For future clients, my advice is that RETA has given me the tools for growth to become a better man and father and a future spouse.

-Men’s Coaching Client

Taking Responsibility

This year has brought several clients into RETA to participate in our Risks & Boundaries program. The Risks & Boundaries program discusses sexual risk avoidance and promotes abstinence until marriage as the best strategy for avoiding the results and consequences of sex outside of marriage.

RETA has a team that goes into local schools to teach Risks & Boundaries for 2 days, as well as other staff and volunteers who meet with young men and women individually to teach and discuss Risks & Boundaries in depth over 8 sessions.

While RETA has had this program available for many years, this was the first year I have had the privilege to be involved in meeting with a few of those girls one-on-one. Some are court-ordered to participate in the program, and others come because they are wanting to become better equipped to make healthier choices for their future. We discuss possible consequences of sex outside of marriage, such having STIs (sexually transmitted infections), unplanned pregnancy, as well as social and emotional struggles. The difference between reducing verses avoiding your risk for these consequences is also talked about, as well as the importance of being proactive in setting healthy sexual and relational boundaries with others. Participants are encouraged to explore what their values are and are equipped to establish their boundaries for positive outcomes in their future.

Lilah* found out about the Risks & Boundaries program after receiving other services at RETA. She felt guilty about choices she had made in the past and didn’t want to continue to make similar mistakes. Throughout the weeks that I met with her, I could see a change in her as she accepted God’s forgiveness for her choices and embraced the truth about sexuality and continued in a deeper relationship with God. During the sessions she talked about examples of practical ways she had applied what she was learning and said that her confidence in setting healthy boundaries had grown.

When Felicia* began Risks & Boundaries, she had seen the consequences of poor decisions from the people around her and did not want to be in a similar situation. We talked about what practical steps to take to avoid those risks and encouraged her to say “no” or “not yet” to things in the present so she could say yes to better choices and rewards in the future. Felicia expressed how it was important for her to take responsibility of her own actions and to feel comfortable speaking up for herself in sticky situations.

Risks & Boundaries is a vital part of RETA because it educates our young people and helps them achieve better outcomes for their future. It provides an opportunity for them to hear truth and facts about sexual integrity that the culture around us does not promote.

- Melody Ellis

*Names changed for client confidentiality.

An Ectopic Pregnancy

I recently was involved in the care of a women who was pregnant.  Although she had not planned to be pregnant now, she and her significant other were planning on parenting. The client was hoping for an early ultrasound just to check on the pregnancy and make sure everything was as it should be. Her appointment was the last of the day on a Friday heading into the weekend. Her significant other did not attend the ultrasound.

Shortly after beginning the ultrasound, it was apparent that things were not as they should be. The nurse calmly and kindly conveyed that we were not seeing what we hoped to see, and we would contact our medical director to have the client’s ultrasound images read as soon as possible. The nurse checked in with the client every couple of hours throughout the evening until our medical director could read the ultrasound.  At around 9:00 in the evening, our medical director returned to the nurse stating it was an ectopic pregnancy and to send the client to the ER immediately.

The nurse who had been touching base with the client every couple of hours to check in on her and see if any symptoms had started, conveyed the message to the client. The client called her doctor and got the practice’s on-call-doctor only to be told that she was fine and to wait until Monday at her regular scheduled appointment. Through the RETA staff nurse's urging, the client decided to go to the ER anyways at her choice of hospital. 

While in the ER they did an additional ultrasound and immediately rushed the client to surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. The client’s fallopian tube had already ruptured, and she was beginning to bleed into her abdomen. As a side note, the early delivery of a baby due to an ectopic pregnancy, which is a medical emergency, is not an abortion. Abortion is the intentional destruction of a pre-born child.

When the nurse followed up with the client, the client was so thankful that we did an ultrasound and encouraged her to go into the ER despite not having many symptoms. The client relayed repeatedly that had it not been for RETA and the care she received that she may not have made it to Monday morning. We celebrate God’s provision of seeing this client early enough that her life was saved, while also mourning the loss of her little child and supporting her through that.

by Brittany, Clinic Director

A Moving Encounter

I met with a Spanish speaking client for a pregnancy test. My first impression of her was that she radiated joy when she walked into the room. As the appointment went on, she began to share her story with me.

She was violently abused by an ex-boyfriend many years ago.  When she became pregnant twice, he forced her to get both babies aborted. She went through life in a deep depression for many years. Eventually she was able to separate herself from him and he no longer remained in her life. During her depression she sought out help through therapy and depression medications.

Nothing was working.

She became desperate and wanted to end her life. She regretted what she had done in her past. Then something happened. She was introduced to Jesus Christ.

She says that Jesus saved her life! She no longer suffered from the negative thoughts of hurting herself or ending her life. She no longer needed the therapy and medications that were not helping anyway. She had Jesus! He healed her completely! He forgave her for her past. He forgave her for her abortions. She was set free by his blood.

She kept praising His name while she was sharing her story. At the end of the appointment the client and I had a sweet time of prayer. I asked her if I could pray for her. She agreed and then asked if she could pray for me. As I began praying for her, she began praying for me. We were lifting up our prayers together to our Lord at the same time. It was a powerful and reverent time basking in the presence of the Holy Spirit.

We were able to plug this client into mom’s coaching here at RETA so that she could have some tools and encouragement in raising her children.

-Amy, Nuse/Sonographer

Meet Jade, Our New Intern

My name is Jade Brooks, and I am the newest intern at RETA this semester! While I am interning here, my heart is to learn and serve anywhere I can. I will be working closely with Joni Bradberry, our Client Services Director, to gain a deeper understanding of what ministry looks like in a counseling setting.

I will also spend time with the medical team learning all about patient care in the office and the mobile clinic! I am currently attending my senior year at Northpoint College in Grand Rapids, Michigan. I am pursuing a Bachelor’s of Arts in Ministry Leadership with a minor in psychology, and I am so excited to be working with a ministry as multifaceted as RETA!

After I graduate I would like to be part of an organization working to end human trafficking domestically and internationally, and I am certain that RETA will play a huge role in preparing me for future opportunities!

Meet Adeline

If we haven’t shared too many stories from RETA’s Post-Abortion Support program, it’s because program coordinator Amber has been on maternity leave, celebrating the birth of her baby girl Adeline. Amber will be diving back in at RETA later this month, but she made a special trip to RETA’s office in late June.

The staff and a handful of volunteers were joined Amber, Adeline and her family, to throw a post-birth baby shower with books, gifts and lots of delicious food. We’re grateful for Amber and the amazing job she does helping post-abortive women find help, healing, freedom and hope in Christ!

Building Self-Worth

Al is a father and stepfather with limited access to his biological children. He grew up with a verbally abusive mom and without his father. In a recent session, he shared about his response to affirmations his wife had given him. He believes it is his job as husband and dad to give leadership, and to provide through his work and income. He knows what should be done and he does it; he has a good work ethic and fulfills his duties. He has a compassionate heart and thinks ahead to handle needs and potential problems. This is all part of what he is “supposed to do”.

When his wife offered thanks for how he was taking care of her and managing family issues, he felt he didn’t deserve it for just doing his job. He brushed it off and didn’t understand why she even said anything. She reiterated her appreciation, and he said he didn’t know why it mattered.

As he shared, I asked Al if he understood that she was offering a gift of affirmation, and that she needed him to take it. I suggested that his receiving of her gift may seem like a gift back to her. She wanted him to know he was appreciated, and she would feel heard when he received her gift. He said this was all strange to him.

We then talked about self-worth, which we had addressed in another session. We talked about how it can be hard for someone to receive thanks if—especially in childhood—they had been harshly criticized or otherwise been made to feel unworthy. If good gifts and encouragement have not been given regularly, it can feel unnatural when they are offered as an adult. He expressed that this was eye-opening and painful to consider. The conversation continued, and he decided he would make a greater effort to intentionally receive gifts of affirmation from his wife. He was also going to think through his own self-worth, and be willing to acknowledge his value to his family. Finally, he restated his commitment to show kindness. I am certain that moving forward, Al will work hard to speak lovingly to his family and to build their self-worth.

by Jeff, Men’s Coaching Manager