Common issues with the men who come to RETA are communication, handling frustration and anger, and rebuilding trust. Other concerns include overcoming mental and emotional obstacles so they can overcome other obstacles, and disagreements about how to discipline children. Sometimes their anger has spilled out verbally on their family, and there is a mess to clean up. Men often want to have discussions with no emotion involved, and to see orderly behavior. Men often want to be understood and be agreed with, without questions from mom or kids. The parenting experiences that dads and moms had as children vary greatly, and affect their own parenting and communication styles in ways they are not always aware of.
In addition to speaking and listening differently, men and women often express love and affection differently. Respect feels and looks different to men and women; guys often show people that they are valuable to them in different ways than women do.
I have found that many people (myself included at times) tend to excuse their own behavior, and disregard advice from someone who has not actually walked in their shoes. Most of us want to present the best of ourselves and not tell about our mistakes. We want other people to change their attitudes or behavior without acknowledging that our own could use a tune-up. We point a finger at others but ignore the four fingers pointing back at us.
You may not have personal experience with what I have shared above, or maybe you now have a lot of questions! You may feel some statements are too general. You might think, “Those kinds of conversations would wear me out.” I can tell you that Men’s Coaching is a challenge and that it is worth it. Sometimes the same issues are raised by multiple clients or couples in the same day or week, and I wonder what is happening in our community. But as men or couples come in, they experience respect, honesty, grace, coaching from a Biblical perspective and stories about my own mistakes. As they open their minds to truth and their hearts to the Lord, we will continue to see marriages restored and men living out what God meant them to be.
by Jeff, Men’s Coaching Manager