For Katie, chaos was simply a way of life. She had no framework for recognizing that what she was experiencing was trauma.
Growing up with a mother who disappeared from her life and a father who manufactured meth, Katie was introduced to meth at the age of ten and addicted to it by the time she was in 6th grade.
Sixth grade: a time when vulnerability wreaks havoc on a child’s life. At school, Katie was bullied because of her weight and placed in special education classes due to her hearing impairment. The rejection and isolation she experienced left her feeling profoundly alone.
The only understanding of God she knew came through her father's lens. He presented God as legalistic, distant, and someone to be feared, a God who was always watching for failure and ready to condemn.
Fast forward to adulthood: addiction had seized Katie's life with a grip so fierce it threatened to destroy everything – her independence, her relationships, her very life. It was when she was at SPA Ministries that she was introduced to a different version of God. This God wanted a relationship with her. This God offered grace. This God saw her identity as separate from her addictions. She described herself then as a “newborn baby in Christ,” and like all newborns, she had a fresh start on life.
When Katie came to RETA, she immersed herself in individual therapy, group therapy, and a writing class. Within the safe embrace of RETA, she allowed herself to stop and pause. And it was in those calm moments when she felt the Holy Spirit moving within her.
Some days, Katie relates to Job, who lost everything he held dear. Yet, like Job, she has found meaning and purpose in her suffering. With steadfast faith, she trusts that God is rebuilding her life, one step at a time.
Katie embodies wisdom, resilience, and deep gratitude. To be in her presence is a true blessing. Katie is now using her voice to uplift and inspire others. She carries a journal with her wherever she goes and captures her reflections in verse that stirs the heart.
In her poem below “Still Becoming,” Katie reveals that just like all of God’s masterpieces, we are a work in progress, a beautiful revelation of His perfect plan.
Still Becoming
I’ve worn so many faces,
played so many roles,
That somewhere along the way,
I lost my own.
I’ve been the strong one,
the quiet one,
the easy one,
the difficult one,
the one who holds it all together—
even when I’m falling apart.
I’ve been praised for
being so much,
and judged for being too much.
Loved for what I give,
and left for what I need.
I’ve changed to fit in
shrunk to keep the peace,
smiled to hide pain
and stayed silent
to avoid the storms.
I know I’ve survived what
should have broken me.
I know I’ve made it
through nights that I thought
would never end.
But survival
is not the same
as living.
I look in the mirror and
sometimes see a stranger.
I search for pieces
of myself in the past,
in memories,
in old dreams,
trying to remember
who I was before
the world told me
who to be.
But maybe the answer
isn’t out there.
Maybe I don’t need
to find myself.
Maybe it’s time
I build myself.
Piece by piece.
truth by truth
choice by choice.
I’ll stop asking who I am
and start deciding.
I AM NOT LOST.
I AM BECOMING.