The Challenge of Coaching Men

Common issues with the men who come to RETA are communication, handling frustration and anger, and rebuilding trust. Other concerns include overcoming mental and emotional obstacles so they can overcome other obstacles, and disagreements about how to discipline children. Sometimes their anger has spilled out verbally on their family, and there is a mess to clean up. Men often want to have discussions with no emotion involved, and to see orderly behavior. Men often want to be understood and be agreed with, without questions from mom or kids. The parenting experiences that dads and moms had as children vary greatly, and affect their own parenting and communication styles in ways they are not always aware of.

In addition to speaking and listening differently, men and women often express love and affection differently. Respect feels and looks different to men and women; guys often show people that they are valuable to them in different ways than women do.

I have found that many people (myself included at times) tend to excuse their own behavior, and disregard advice from someone who has not actually walked in their shoes. Most of us want to present the best of ourselves and not tell about our mistakes. We want other people to change their attitudes or behavior without acknowledging that our own could use a tune-up. We point a finger at others but ignore the four fingers pointing back at us.

You may not have personal experience with what I have shared above, or maybe you now have a lot of questions! You may feel some statements are too general. You might think, “Those kinds of conversations would wear me out.” I can tell you that Men’s Coaching is a challenge and that it is worth it. Sometimes the same issues are raised by multiple clients or couples in the same day or week, and I wonder what is happening in our community. But as men or couples come in, they experience respect, honesty, grace, coaching from a Biblical perspective and stories about my own mistakes. As they open their minds to truth and their hearts to the Lord, we will continue to see marriages restored and men living out what God meant them to be. 

by Jeff, Men’s Coaching Manager

RETA's Celebrating Life Benefit Dinner is Moving Online for 2021

RETA’s Celebrating Life Benefit Dinner will be moving online-only for 2021.

Nappanee Missionary Church has graciously agreed to host our livestream which will still take place at 6:30 p.m. on Saturday, March 6. We'll have individual and host home streaming options for attendees, with registration opening on January 11. Host homes (the equivalent to someone purchasing a table) will receive a $100 restaurant gift card as part of their registration as well as a packet similar to what they would have on their table at the live venue to have up to six other couples join them. We're going to be talking with restaurants in several cities throughout the county to see if they'll work with us on specials the evening of the event.

After spending several hours deliberating recently, our dinner planning team felt that it was best to move RETA's Celebrating Life Benefit Dinner to an online-only event in 2021.

Just as you've experienced at work or church, folks are all over in how they feel about and respond to COVID, attempting to walk the tight rope of faith and freedom while also being concerned for the health and safety of others. The dinner planning team talked about what the Governor's executive order means for the event, with Elkhart County currently being in the orange zone for COVID (which allows for 50 individuals to attend a fundraiser in person and knowing the best that it could be at blue would allow for 250 individuals). With invitations and promotions going out in January, we felt it was best to make the decision this month and so decided to take the event virtual for this coming year.

The benefit dinner brings in roughly 40% of our operating budget each year, so we hope you’ll join us virtually and invite some friends to do so as well!

Now Hiring | Administrative Nurse

We have some BIG NEWS coming January 7. Related to that, we're looking to hire a full-time Administrative Nurse. This candidate will set the course for our medical department under the oversight of our medical director, Dr. Gayle Borkowski.

We're looking for a detail-oriented, visionary RN who is also willing to learn ultrasound (we'll take care of the training!). RETA provides health insurance reimbursement. See the job description below. If you're interested, please email Roxana, RETA’s Executive Director, at roxana@retaforlife.com.

Administrative Nurse Job Description
Medical Level I
Classification – Full Time Exempt
Direct Supervisor Operations: ED
Direct Supervisor Medical: Medical Director

Purpose:  The Administrative Nurse plans, organizes, and carries out clinical services for the clients of RETA (Reason Enough To Act), providing support and maintaining professional standards of care, following the ANA (American Nurses Association) Code of Ethics. Under the general supervision of the Medical Director and the Executive Director, they serve as the medical liaison between RETA and the community. They assure that clinical services are of the highest quality possible. They will treat all clients with respect and act in accordance with the Commitment of Care. They are responsible for supervising, organizing, planning, assessing and monitoring the medical services provided by RETA, working to assure that patients are receiving the best medical, nursing and psychosocial care possible.

Qualifications:

• Prefer an RN in good standing with the Indiana State Medical Board and willing to comply with state and professional continuing education requirements.

• Expresses full agreement with RETA’s Principles, Statement of Faith and Mission Statement.

• Respects and maintains client confidentiality.

• Is dependable, stable, and capable of following through on commitments.

• Has a sincere desire to reach out to abortion-vulnerable and abortion-minded women.

• Has the vision and the ability to research requirements to advance medical expansion as necessary.

• Manages time well and is highly organized.

• Complies with RETA’s policies and procedures.

• Excellent oral and written communication skills to relate to professional, medical, church, social services, volunteers, clients, and donors.

• Possesses excellent interpersonal skills to train and supervise volunteers, to work with clients and represent RETA to the general public.

• Is willing and able to serve all clients in a way that honors Jesus Christ and supports and promotes the life-affirming ministry of RETA.

• Is willing to learn to drive RETA's mobile medical unit.

Administrative Responsibilities:

• Communicate with NIFLA (National Institute of Family and Life Advocates), Medical Director, and ED (Executive Director) to maintain Medical Policies and Procedures, Medical Forms, Charts and Filing System.

• Annually review all Medical Policies and Procedures and will update accordingly.

• Research and Comply with all State and federal OSHA (Occupational Safety and Health Administration) and HIPPA regulations.

• Will complete limited obstetrical sonography training as well as continuing education units to ensure skill level is current.

• Oversee purchase, inventory and maintenance of medical equipment, ultrasound and other medical supplies.

• Maintain NIFLA Clinical and Legal Tips and stay up to date on current medical laws and state regulations.

• Manage, supervise and train Medical Staff (paid and volunteer).

• Will maintain record of current, required licensure, certifications and immunizations for medical staff and when appropriate, for non-medical staff.

• Provide reports to board of Directors and Medical Advisory Board (if applicable).

• Learn responsibilities of answering phones, data entry and general knowledge of operations to become an important part of the ministry team.

• Communicate with and oversee any student nurse community service visits or internships through higher education institutions.

• Consult with ED annually to review and establish a proposed budget for RETA’s Medical Program.

• Be knowledgeable on current national and state abortion laws.

• Attend regular staff meetings. Communicate and work with all staff and volunteers as a team with a purpose to love, support, and reach out to all who come with the message of Christ.

• Teamwork to be shared in the center: Greeting and helping anyone who enters, receiving and recording donations, answering phones and taking messages, welcoming and guiding new volunteers, giving building tours, attending annual fundraising events, and occasionally representing RETA by speaking to groups and networking with other agencies in the community.

Client Service Responsibilities:

• Administer or supervise ultrasounds on the mobile and/or in the center.

• Conduct or delegate pregnancy testing on the mobile and/or in the center.

• Conduct or delegate STI testing and treatment on the mobile and/or in the center.

• Oversee pregnancy verifications.

• Obtain and communicate with credible and reliable lab services when necessary.

• Communicate with Medical Director acting as RETA’s medical liaison.

• Delegate and oversee all pregnancy testing according to Medical Director’s standing orders.

• Maintain a clean and sanitary environment for all clinical services.

• Review Client Intake and records to ensure appropriate documentation is accurate and complete for all required forms for services.

• Meet with clients to review Medical Services Patient Instructions and the medical procedure.

• Provide education and referrals to clients for continued care, including all other RETA programs.

• Forward appropriate clinical files and documents for review to the Medical Director.

• Ensures that sonogram will be read and signed in a timely fashion by a physician qualified to read the ultrasound scans.

• Coordinate appropriate medical follow-up.

• Will collaborate with Mobile Operations Manager to ensure proper scheduling of trained medical personnel for Mobile operations and/or center medical services.

Revised:  10/3/2015; 12/13/2015; 8/10/18

Meeting Jesus After Abortion

Over the last quarter, Tonya, RETA’s Pregnancy Loss Support Coordinator led an Abortion Recovery Support group and God did some amazing things with the women involved. The highlight of the group was one of the participants accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.

Tonya said the group was real and ready - that they truly wanted to feel differently than they had after multiple abortions, leaving them feeling unforgivable. Through the group, the participants came to understand the forgiveness and freedom of Jesus, with one of the participants saying she doesn’t feel unworthy anymore because of her past decisions. Praise God for his forgiveness, freedom, healing and hope! For those who pray and give, thank you for helping bring about changed lives.

Adoption & The God of Many Chances

A few months ago, I was able to meet with a young girl facing an unplanned pregnancy. We were able to offer her free testing and an ultrasound to see her baby. The father of the baby had initially told her to “get rid of the baby,” as he did not have much of a relationship with her and did not want to take care of a child. She, on the other hand, knew she could not go through with an abortion and was leaning towards placing her baby with an adoptive family. There was one issue though: she felt this pregnancy had to be kept secret from the people she knew. She thought aloud, “How could they trust me and what would they think of me if they knew about the choices I made that I’ve hidden from them before?” She had always been the “good girl” and did everything right, but now she’s pregnant and the father of the baby doesn’t want to be involved. This pregnancy would expose another side of her that not many knew about, and she feared there would be judgment and disappointment.

Thankfully, we serve a God of many chances and one who loves and forgives us for our mistakes. As I was able to talk with her about her options, I reminded her of the hope and plans God has for her and her baby, and how he was not surprised by any of it. We talked through how to tell the ones that love her about her pregnancy, and how difficult it could be to have to keep her pregnancy and her child a secret from them the rest of her life.

I was able to do an ultrasound for her and a sweet little 7-week baby appeared on the screen! The heart was pounding away, and we could occasionally see small movements and wiggles from baby. During the scan, she talked about how exciting it was to see her baby, even though this was unplanned for her. She was able to take home pictures of her baby, along with a packet of resources. We are trying to stay in contact with her and support her throughout her pregnancy. Thank you for supporting RETA to make this possible!

by Melody, Administrative Nurse

Saving Life: A Glimpse at Hope

This past month, I was able to serve an abortion-minded client on our mobile unit. She was vulnerable and honest. She had chosen abortion in the past, but had deep feelings of regret. This woman confessed that she did not think abortion was right, but that at the moment, she couldn’t see any other option. She was seriously considering having another abortion. She was pregnant and unsure of her future with the baby’s father. Already having five older children, she did not think that she was in a very good position to raise yet another child.

I’ve heard this response from other women who find themselves unexpectedly pregnant. Morally, they don’t believe in abortion, yet when faced with the reality of having to choose for themselves, it starts to seem like it might be the answer. Before proceeding with the ultrasound, I asked this woman one important question: If there was one thing that could change your mind and give you hope that you could do this, what would it be? She answered with the most hopeful response, “I think if I actually see this baby, I would change my mind. I am hoping that this ultrasound will help me want to keep it.” 

And so, we looked at her baby. We saw its heartbeat. And I was able to watch as her demeanor went from hopeless to hopeful. When she left the appointment, she was still undecided about what she wanted to do, but said she felt much better about being pregnant. Several days later, this woman wanted her ultrasound records sent to her doctor so that she could get into prenatal care. I believe that God gave her a glimpse of hope when she was able to see her child. What a blessing that we are able to offer free ultrasounds and be a part of that hope.

by Darcy, Nurse/Sonographer

Passing On The Blessing

One of our Moms’ coaching clients, Lori, started a non-profit six years ago called A Woman’s Worth Creation. At the end of August, Lori and a group of supporters blessed the homeless in Elkhart with a hot meal, bags with needed hygiene supplies and clothing items. She reached out to community businesses, churches and individuals for financial support and supplies.

Lori, who has previously experienced homelessness, understands the struggles and obstacles they face. She shared with RETA staff that those who are homeless are finding themselves with even less resources than they normally have due to COVID. Lori made a decision this summer to do something about that and she did. She has a passion to love people and to serve however the Lord leads. Check out video and a story abc57 covered at the event. https://www.abc57.com/news/group-giving-back-to-help-homeless

Beside her nonprofit work, Lori is a mother of five, balancing e-learning for four different grades plus a baby. She is one of those people you intend to bless and instead you receive the blessing.

Retooling Men's Coaching

During the last few months, many of us have had new and unusual experiences that we could have never predicted.

Before March 2020, I thought zoom was a way to hurry past something, including talking to people. Now I know that Zoom is an online tool I can use to see and talk to people, or even watch a video with them. For my first Zoom meeting, I “attended” a wedding!

Maybe you have taken this unique time to reflect on the past or even make plans for the future. During these early months of the Covid-19 pandemic, we have thought through how to make changes that can benefit everyone at RETA, including some of the ways in which we interact with clients, for their safety and ours.

I have been working on how to improve the way we coach men toward being the best men and fathers they can be. We want to challenge men to greater accountability and achievement. We want them to be inspired and encouraged to be more actively engaged with their kids, especially if dad and kids don’t live together full-time.

The enrollment process has been enhanced by both covering more topics and discussing more specific details. Men will have charts to track the habits and behaviors that increase involvement with their kids. Many guys face a variety of obstacles to greater fatherhood involvement. We will take more time to address those that dad can control, and will channel energy and creativity toward external pressures that he must find a way to overcome.

Rather than have an open door to the program with open-ended participation, we will ask guys to commit to a time frame with a certain number of sessions. They can complete up to six levels of participation, and each will have unique required activities as well as increased incentives. Men will have to work through certain materials before moving to the next level.

I believe that making these changes will give men a deadline for their good intentions. Join with me in prayer that we would see extreme changes in men’s hearts, lives and families as God brings His amazing power to work through our humble efforts.

by Jeff, Men’s Coaching Manager

Parenting in Quarantine

March, April, and May have been unprecedented times for the world as well as RETA. We, like so many others, jumped into the world of Zoom. What a blessing to still be able to meet with clients in the virtual world! I have enrolled several young pregnant girls, met with single moms trying to keep it all together while keeping their family healthy and doing e-learning. I also talked with married moms struggling because of lay-offs and the uncertainty of the next paycheck. We were able to meet some of their needs physically and financially by offering drive up diapers, wipes, formula, and other baby supplies. We offered emotional support as a listening ear on the really tough days with e-learning and being cooped up inside. We offered spiritual support by praying and sharing scriptures of hope and encouragement. As of June, we started opening the office to clients with protective guidelines in place. We are staggering appointments and limiting the number of people in the office at one time. We are taking their temperature, disinfecting after each client, and asking they not come if they have been sick within the past two weeks. Through all of the uncertainty of the times, we have offered a stable and consistent presence in the lives of the families we serve.

by Joni, Client Services Manager

Making an Eternal Impact

The four-month pregnant mom came to RETA in spring of 2017. She was interested in parent coaching to earn coupons to shop in our Family Store for baby supplies. She already had four children but didn’t have custody of any of them. She was matter-of-fact and avoided eye contact. She declined prayer at every appointment and voiced her struggle with being sleepy from the pregnancy. She was closed with her story and didn’t want to see multiple volunteers. We decided she would only be assigned to me and we would schedule her the same time each week.

Five months into meeting, she opened up and started to share why she was living in Elkhart and why her children lived with their fathers. She began to give me eye contact.

She had a baby girl in the fall of 2017 and complained the child cried too much and was too demanding of her attention. I continued to meet with her and share age-appropriate development of babies and toddlers. She shared more and more of her story, but still no prayer.

In January of 2019, she decided she was open to working through a Bible study called Thirty Discipleship Exercises. Each week we did a lesson together and she shared more and more of her story but still declined prayer. In the spring of 2019, she came to an appointment excited to share something she did the week before when I was gone on vacation. She shared she’d driven to Chicago to have an abortion. My heart sunk. I didn’t even know she was pregnant. She had no remorse, only relief.

We had started to develop a close relationship at that point, so she was open to me asking questions and probing why she felt she should have the abortion. A few months later, she came in to the office and shared she went to Chicago and had another abortion. Because of my relationship with her, I boldly shared she shouldn’t use abortion as birth control and also that she was getting herself into dangerous situations. She was open and listened, but, again, declined prayer.

We continued to meet once a week the rest of 2019, with slow and steady growth. In January of 2020, she came to RETA crying. Barging into my office, she began sharing an experience she had with God over the weekend. She said God told her to remove things from her life. She didn’t verbalize what was to be removed but just said over and over, ‘remove.’ She was broken. I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to ask her if I could share a Scripture and pray with her. She agreed.

I shared John 10:10 and expressed how Satan desired to kill, steal, and destroy her but Christ came to give life to the full. I told her Christ wants to give her freedom and wants a relationship with her. I prayed over her. She wept. She shared about accepting Jesus as her savior many years before, but then walked away later. We continued to meet, walking through what having a relationship with God means.

In June of 2020, she moved away. Sadly, due to COVID-19, I wasn’t able to say good bye. She called recently to touch base and share about her move. Several times she commented about giving God the glory for his provision. She plans to call at least once a month to stay connected. She taught me so much about God’s timing, his plan, provision and love.

by Joni, Client Services Manager

Pregnancy Loss Support Online

I am looking forward to the second half of 2020.  The first half has been a little challenging for most of us but at least for me, it has been a time of growth with technology! (I can use Zoom now!)

Beginning in July, we will have a place to sign up for Pregnancy Loss Support (PLS) on the RETA website. In addition, we will begin offering PLS online through Zoom in a small group format for those preferring less contact. I am very excited to be able to offer the groups online.

If you or someone you know needs help working through their pregnancy loss, please email  me at tonya@retaforlife.com, call (574) 522-3888 or visit the RETA website next month and click the sign up button.

You do not have to walk through your grief alone!!

by Tonya, Pregnancy Loss Support Coordinator

A Load or a Burden?

A popular series for several clients these past few months has been Boundaries with Kids by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. There are fifteen short lessons that cover the basics of how to develop and teach boundaries to our children. 

Some of our moms have commented that no one ever taught them safe and healthy boundaries, so it is difficult knowing how to teach - or even model - boundaries with their own children. One lesson focuses on helping children see themselves as a problem-solvers and not victims. It also focuses on the difference between a load and a burden. 

A burden is an overwhelming problem that can be due to pain or a crisis that we need support to deal with. A load is a normal responsibility we all have such as school, work and chores and we can handle those without support. 

After doing the load/burden lesson with one of our moms who has a teenage son at home, she took it to heart. This mother reflected that her child was being defiant at home and school, was playing the victim card and blaming others for what he needed to take responsibility for. We were able to discuss how she could put this lesson into practice. She mentioned during a later coaching appointment that it was helping and she felt like she was handling his defiance in a healthy way.

This coaching is not only helping parents at home right now, but transforming families for the future!

by Joni, Client Services Manager

From Loss to Life

Last July, just after completing my ultrasound training, I met a young girl who came to the office for an ultrasound. She was nervous but excited. And so was I! After all, this was my first official ultrasound on my own. During the ultrasound, I had to relay the unfortunate news that I was not seeing what I expected to.

Though she should have been 8 weeks along, there was no baby, no heartbeat. She came back the following week for a repeat ultrasound. And sure enough, still no baby, still no heartbeat. For the first time, I had to deliver the sad news that she was likely going to experience a miscarriage. She was devastated.

She confided in me during her first appointment that she had an abortion in her past and felt cursed because of it. She believed in God and now believed he was punishing her. She was sure that losing this baby she wanted was punishment for getting rid of the baby she didn’t want.  

A few days later she called, asking to speak to me specifically because she was miscarrying. It was my day off, but how could I say no? I deeply cared for this girl. So on my day off, as my own children were laughing and playing in the background, I had the opportunity to talk with her about losing her child; to walk with her through her pain and sorrow. I had the opportunity to pray with her and share God’s unconditional love and tell her she was not cursed; she was loved and valued by her creator.

I didn’t hear from her for several months, until recently, when she came back for a pregnancy test and ultrasound. This time, baby is doing great and so is mom! Her situation may not be ideal - she’s unmarried and in between jobs. But guess what? She is interested in mom’s coaching. She keeps coming back. God is working in her life. And we get to be a part of that and support her as she becomes a parent to this beautiful baby.

by Darcy, Nurse/Sonographer

Men Who Are All In

P. and J. started coming to RETA last summer, expecting their first child. As a young couple not long past high school, they had struggled to find consistent employment. They were not sure about how they would handle their future housing needs. P seemed unclear on what his role and responsibility were going to be. J was excited but a little uncertain about motherhood. She told about her difficult childhood but also shared that while her mother was pregnant with her, she got a cancer diagnosis but postponed treatment until J was born.

Not long after enrollment, P found a good job, and he still works there. They found a good apartment, and they have been able to make it a home. They were very faithful to appointments and wise about using their dollars in our Family Store. They prepared for their baby very intentionally and in practical ways. They also talked about preparing emotionally, both for the birth and for their adjustment to parenthood.

Multiple times, I affirmed P’s effort at getting ready for fatherhood and for his commitment to J. She affirmed him especially in contrast to some of their friends, and they both felt very prepared to become parents. “I’m all in” was a great statement from him on one occasion.

Their baby was born, safely and happily in February. They continue to come, in order to increase their parenting knowledge and skills. They are figuring out the best sleeping and waking times. They hope their son will share their love for music and they are clearly in love with this little boy. They express thanks for the items from the store and usually make an effort to tell about any positive developments in their life. It has been a joy to see their relationship strengthen and to watch them become mom and dad together.

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Although we make an effort to build genuine relationships with our clients, we typically do not have much physical contact with them. We want to be respectful about personal space, and do not want them to feel any kind of pressure or have an opportunity to misinterpret our actions.

That said, I often make an effort to shake the hand of a male client, either as they arrive or are about to leave. There is something unique about men shaking hands. This small gesture can indicate respect, equality, camaraderie, and that there is peace between them. Most guys really appreciate a handshake, as many seem to experience little positive touch in their lives.

One day in February, I got a very nice surprise. At the end of two different appointments, the men I had met with reached out and hugged me tight! C was by himself, trying to navigate being a good dad to his young son while also trying to negotiate a rocky relationship with the boy’s mother. D was with his pregnant wife, learning alongside her about the details of pregnancy and preparing for parenthood. As our time wrapped up, I had prayed with both of them. We had talked and I had tried to encourage them. Nothing about either appointment seemed amazing to me, but both of these men could hardly contain their own emotions and expressed some of it with a strong hug. I received their hugs, squeezed back a bit, and probably mumbled some kind of thanks and another word of encouragement.

It was humbling and an honor to receive grace and gratitude from these guys in this way. It felt a little bit like our Heavenly Father saying, Nice job.

by Jeff, Men’s Coaching Manager

A Little Life Saved!

Recently, we had a young woman come into RETA for a pregnancy test. She was living with the father of her oldest child, but was in a new relationship with a different guy. After many years of wanting another child but having difficulty conceiving, she unexpectedly became pregnant. However, instead of having joy and excitement at this news, she was shocked and wanted to have an abortion because she didn’t feel this was a good time to have another child. Her new boyfriend said he would support whatever decision she made.

When she came to RETA, she met with a nurse that talked with her about her options, the impact an abortion decision can have on her life, and the ways RETA was able to offer support for her. At the end of her first appointment, she agreed to schedule an ultrasound for the following week, when we would be able to see her baby’s heart beating. In that week’s time, she fluctuated between the choice of keeping her baby and having an abortion; thankfully, we were able to keep in contact with her through phone calls.

When she came in for her ultrasound, the nurse/sonographer was able to show this mom her baby and the heart beating on the screen! The mom said the ultrasound helped reality set in that she really was pregnant and there was a baby. She was still wrestling with the decisions she faced, and the nurse encouraged her to not rush into any decision and to take time and think about her choices. The nurse was also able to share with this mom the good news of God’s unconditional love for her and her baby, and pray with her.

In the following weeks, the nurses continued to keep in contact with her by phone calls, and the staff continued to pray for this mom and her child’s life. At last, we finally heard back from the mom that she had decided to make the brave choice to choose life for her baby! She was in the process of getting into prenatal care with a doctor. We praise God for this mom’s life-giving choice and for His answered prayers!

by Melody, Administrative Nurse

Courageous Women

In this time of uncertainty our God has made it clear that healing and restoration through Him is still His desire! He is there waiting for us to be ready to cast off what keeps us in bondage so we may draw closer to Him. The Lord has led women to reach out for healing from their past pregnancy loss experiences. We currently have 5 women who have committed to our Abortion Recovery Retreat later this spring and 3 women who would like to participate in an upcoming Pregnancy Loss Group Study. The Holy Spirit has been busy moving and it makes me excited to see all the good that will come in each of these lives as they move forward in the near future. Please pray for these courageous women who have asked for help and for our leadership team as we prepare to be used. We’re so thankful He is in control!

by Tonya, Pregnancy Loss Support Coordinator

Get Ready for the Dinner!

Registration for RETA’s Celebrating Life Benefit Dinner opens on January 13, which is less than 50 days away! We wanted to give you a preview of what the registration process is like so you’ll be ready to go when the time arrives.

There are a couple different ways you can register. Let’s start with the familiar ways.

• If you receive an invitation in the mail, you can fill out the enclosed RSVP card and mail it in to RETA at 300 W. High St., Elkhart, IN 46516 with a check made out to RETA.

• You could also call our office at 574-522-3888 and pay with a credit card.

• OR! You could try our new online registration, where you can see a map of the venue and select your own seats.

To register this way, you’ll visit link.retaforlife.com/dinner, and once January 13 rolls around, you’ll tap Tickets. Then you’ll tap Buy on Map and you’ll see a map of the venue. Any seat that’s green means it’s open and is fair game. You’ll see where you’re seated before you arrive, knowing your table number. By the way, if you visit the website before registration opens, tap Details and you’ll be able to see a venue map with all the seating and where the stage, restrooms, stairs, food lines, etc. are located. There’s also a video on the registration page that walks you through the registration process step-by-step.

Seats are $35/person and tables of 8 are $280. There is a convenience fee for ordering through the website, like going to the movies or a concert.

No matter how you choose to register, it’s very important that you coordinate with your friends/family, especially if you’re a group of individuals that want to sit at the same table or have two tables next to each other. It’s recommended to have one person purchase the tickets to make sure you’re all together and have your friends reimburse you.

Those who register through mail or by calling will receive a phone call from us with their table number so they will know their table number before they arrive the evening of the event. They’ll pass this information along to their guests. If they don’t, the guests will need to know who purchased their ticket.

We have tables reserved for those who have difficulty climbing stairs. If this is you, please call our office to register. If you have any questions, please feel free to call our office at 574-522-3888.

March 5 is going to be an amazing and powerful evening in Nappanee. We can’t wait to see you there!

Trained for Life

A room full of pastors and volunteers at Sugar Grove Church sat silently for five minutes, while pens scribbled down thoughts, plans and action steps. They’d just finished the first of three sessions during RETA’s Life Training.

RETA staff Tonya, Jeff, Melody and Rod put together our first round of a three-hour seminar on how to speak with those in unplanned pregnancy situations, what’s happening at Planned Parenthood and Whole Woman’s Health locally and how to converse with those who are post-abortive.

“Your first words are the most impactful, “ said Tonya, RETA’s Pregnancy Loss Support Coordinator. It was a reminder to those in attendance that when they are approached by someone in an unplanned pregnancy situation that they need to have the heart of Jesus, balancing truth and love. Attendees learned about how to approach unplanned pregnancy conversations with teenagers, what to do in cases of rape, looking at youth group policies, finding mentors, throwing baby showers and more during the first session.

The pastors and volunteers also learned from Jeff about how laws have left dads out of a lot of the important decisions regarding pregnancy and the unintended consequences of those laws.

“There are 13,500 non-abortion providing women’s health clinics in this country. That’s 20 of those to every one Planned Parenthood,” Rod said. “If Planned Parenthood were gone tomorrow, it truly wouldn’t matter. They do a great job marketing so it would seem like something was missing, but there are lots of other, better options out there for women’s health care. They just don’t market themselves as well.” The second session of the training focused on what’s happening locally with Planned Parenthood and Whole Woman’s Health, what services they provide and what the impact would be if they were to pull out of the community.

The third session focused on having conversations with post-abortive women and men. Tonya and Jeff headed up this portion, speaking about how abortion felt like the only choice for a majority of them and that they felt coerced by misinformation/lack of information from doctors, family or friends. 64% of women who have abortions feel pressured to by someone else. Of that, 79% were not told about alternatives.

We felt compelled to do this training to equip our brothers and sisters to be prepared for hard conversations, to not feel shell-shocked by someone who shares something and to have a plan before a conversation like one of those described above happens. The thread through everything we communicated during the training was the need to balance truth and love, starting with grace, a listening ear and a hug where appropriate.

We plan to do another training, open to any of our supporting churches’ congregants early next year. Be on the lookout for that!

Shocked Into Action

We’ve mentioned our Healthy Sexual Boundaries Education program before in previous posts, speaking about what we do, what students learn and what they walk away with. This past month, RETA staff Jeff and Joni were at Concord Junior High School and experienced a shocking moment with a student.

During the presentation, Joni called five male students and one female student volunteers. The guys line up on the side of an aisle runner, each representing a different relationship for the female volunteer who holds a rose. Each male student takes petals off the rose as a representation of the female giving parts of herself away - first emotionally with the first couple guys, then eventually physically. As the female approaches the last guy in line, who represents the man she’ll marry, she’s carrying what’s left of her rose. She could have an STD, a previous abortion or a child from a previous relationship that she’s going to have to talk through with the man she wants to marry. The students learn how difficult those conversations can be. This isn’t done in a condemning way, but as a way to help students think through how their current choices impact their futures.

Joni has done this presentation several times, but this particular time a student said something that hasn’t been said before. Joni mentioned that an unplanned pregnancy happened with guy number four in line and that this would be something that could impact her relationship with guy number five. While she’s saying this, the fourth male shouts, “Abort! Abort! Not keeping it. No way.” Joni did a great job of continuing on with her presentation, but circling back to the student’s comment. She shared about what we experience at RETA, with those who have made abortion decisions and the guilt and shame that come with those decisions years down the road, our staff having worked with several women and men whose abortions have impacted everything in their lives since that moment - ruining marriages, relationships and jobs.

The thoughtless response of the student was shocking, but it was a reminder of how important education about life is. Especially in our homes. Parents, we must have frank, open and honest dialogue with our children about the choices we made growing up, good and bad and help them set boundaries. We must teach them the value of life, the gift that it is, from conception to the grave. We need to advocate for pre-born children, support families in need, treating them with dignity and respect, and to show the grace of Jesus Christ to others, as we all hurt ourselves and others through our poor choices.

Sexual Risk Avoidance at School

“65 million Americans have an incurable STD…” Pencils scribble down the stat.

RETA team members Jeff and Joni recently taught sexual risk avoidance - a much longer way of saying abstinence - through our Healthy Sexual Boundaries Ed. (or HSBE) at Elkhart Memorial High School. HSBE is the preventative wing of RETA’s services. If we’re able to help youth think about where they want to be in 10-15 years and think through their sexual decisions and how those decisions impact their desired life outcomes, we’re better able to make the case for abstinence and help the students avoid the need for some of our services in the future.

At the end of the 90-minute interactive lesson, students developed their own boundaries to help them avoid sexual risks. Some students wrote that they would wait to have sex until they were married. Others were more specific with their boundaries - “I won’t have my boyfriend over when I know my parents won’t be home.” Having a clear, communicated boundary with accountability is the key to living them out and will help the students reach their preferred future outcomes - without STDs or unplanned pregnancies.

RETA is privileged to partner with local schools, supplementing their sex education, by teaching abstinence.