Boundaries and Behavior

In addition to our in-person presentations at local schools, we offer Healthy Sexual Boundaries Education one-on-one, for teens and adults. Recently a probation officer contacted me to say that the mother of my teen client was very pleased with how things were going for him in the program. When he had previously met with a therapist, he was told to not obey mom’s rules. He had been destructive and out of control. He doesn’t really have a male figure in his life, because his father left when he was three years old. The mother said her son enjoys working with me and his behavior has improved drastically. She may ask for him to continue doing Men’s Coaching when he has completed HSBE. This young man has more progress to make in his journey, but as he receives positive influence and acts on it, he can continue on a successful path.

by Jeff, Men’s Coaching Manager

God Seeks the Lost and Lonely

D. is a man without much left. Materially, he has some things, but for various reasons, it seems like that won’t last either. A few months back he made a bad decision and exhibited poor behavior. His marriage has been unhealthy for some time. His wife’s private behavior and lack of effort to build healthy relationships have resulted in isolation and an apparent inability to help herself. He desires for her to have a better life, and for them to have a stronger marriage. He wants to make up for his behavior. Nothing he has tried so far is working, and recently things got even worse. In my office, he reminded me about his deep feelings of loneliness. He shared that based on recent events, he feels absolutely lost in every way. We chatted for a bit about immediate needs and what he might be able to do. Then we turned our focus to spiritual things. I was able to convince him to be open to scripture and to truth and to God, despite his statement of agnosticism. I challenged him to read some specific things from the Bible; he wouldn’t take a Bible from me but agreed to read via the website www.biblegateway.com. He agreed that he had nothing to lose by trying this; he said he didn’t know what he might believe next week, but that he would read the Bible with an open mind. He left a bit more hopeful, and with gratitude for our conversation, but with some serious burdens. I am praying and trusting that the Spirit of God will illuminate and teach truth and prompt action that will result in an eternal heart change.

UPDATE

At his next appointment, this client shared his concern for his wife’s well-being, and said he must be stupid for feeling this way. I tried to encourage him by saying that it sounded like his love for her still has some depth. We agreed that love sometimes doesn’t make sense. He seems to struggle reconciling these feelings with his frustration for the poor condition of their marriage. He shared that he doesn’t think he’ll ever get over feeling guilty about what happened between them. He also said that reading the Bible on his phone just didn’t work and nothing made sense. He asked if he could take a Bible with him, and I offered him a study Bible. He was thrilled with it and said one with notes and study helps would be very useful. He asked me to mark the passages we had discussed, so I stuck a few business cards here and there, and encouraged him to call or email if he had questions while he read. God continues to work! Please continue to pray for this man.

by Jeff, Men’s Coaching Manager

Peace to Those on Whom His Favor Rests

You may be reading this just before or just after celebrating the birth of Christ Jesus our Savior. I hope this story will encourage you and will strengthen your boldness for sharing Jesus’ truth and love.

During the week clients could shop in our Christmas Store, I met with a couple to discuss the Christmas packet. At home, they had read scripture and answered questions, and we were reviewing things together. Right away they stated that they don’t go to church now like they had to when they were kids. They said they weren’t sure how to answer all the questions in the packet. They shared a few things about bad experiences at church and other people’s behavior. After a couple of minutes, I was able to bring them back to focusing on the Biblical Christmas story.

They didn’t quite understand “God’s favor” and how it could rest on people. They shared candidly about how some of their current circumstances were preventing them from experiencing peace and joy. They questioned how Jesus could give people the right to become the children of God. They seemed to be truly seeking!

We were able to talk through things in the context of adoption, which they related to due to a family situation. We talked about God the Father wanting the best for those He created, and what they wanted for their own family. We were able to address salvation as a gift offered freely, which of course was timely. We talked about how grace is available, and how each of us have an opportunity to receive it—and that we have to put up our hand and say, “I’d like that.”

Next, we reviewed Bible verses that took us through the plan of salvation. I asked if the verses made sense and they agreed they did. I asked, What do you have to lose by accepting this today? Their answer was, Pff--nothing. I asked, What would it take for you to pray this today? The man said, I would think about doing that. The woman said, I’m not comfortable. I’m not sure God is exactly like this. I think there is a higher power, but I don’t know about how the rest of this works.

We then chatted about how it might be possible to clear up some confusion or misunderstandings. I asked what they thought would be a good next step for someone who sincerely wants to know what God is really saying to them. They agreed that reading the Bible would be a good idea. Fortunately, we had children’s Bibles and regular adult Bibles in a box nearby, and they took one of each. I challenged them to dig into it and to investigate, and to not be satisfied with not having the answers they needed. I told them that God can handle their questions, and encouraged them to re-read the Christmas story in scripture at home.

This couple’s story is not over yet. They will be back at RETA soon. I will ask about how their Bible reading is going, and maybe offer a reading guide or devotional book. We will talk about their hopes for their unborn child. We will talk about what kind of a mom and dad their kids need them to be. I trust that God will continue to reward their seeking and will work in their hearts and minds. I pray that they will personally experience God’s favor, very soon.

by Jeff, Men’s Coaching Manager

Parent Help Across State Lines

A client who moved away a few years ago recently called to process how to handle a parenting situation with her toddler and the preschool her daughter is attending. The mom was frustrated and unsure of how to speak with the school and how to best help her daughter. We talked through healthy ways to communicate with the school and age-appropriate methods to relate to her daughter. She started the conversation in panic and ended with some specific ways to deal with the conflict.

The client called a few days later with an update. She shared that the meeting with the school went great. They came to a compromise that everyone could agree on and she felt good about. She commented that she stopped in front of the school, held her daughter’s hand, and prayed before taking her into the building.

The mom asked that we continue to pray for her. When she first came to RETA about five years ago, she wasn’t interested in prayer and was confrontational in almost every relationship. It is so exciting to see her working through conflict in a healthy way and turning to God to guide her through life. What a blessing to us that even though she is now living in another state, she still knows RETA is only a phone call away!

by Joni, Client Services Manager

3 Dads, 3 Paths, 1 Solution

In the weekly class I teach at the Work Release facility, I have encountered three men who are in different stages of life. Ron* has grandchildren, Ian* has teenage sons and one who is a young adult, and John’s* girlfriend is pregnant with their first child. As we have talked, their stories and concerns weave together with some common threads.

Ron understands that he has limited opportunities to connect with family, and that some bridges have been burned. He has wisdom to share with the younger generation, some of which has been gained the hard way. He is motivated to take the right step today, and tomorrow, and to remain upbeat about potential healing and reconciliation with family.

Ian wants to have a more positive impact on his sons, now that he is no longer incarcerated and has more time with them. He sees potential pitfalls for them as well as positive possibilities. Because of choices and consequences in his past, he struggles to gain respect and therefore, to gain influence in the present. He wants the best for his sons and isn’t sure how to motivate them correctly.

John cried as we talked about his fears about being a father, and as he shared about the road he must walk back into society’s good graces. He wants a healthy baby and wants to make things right for the future. Like many young men, he has not always had someone to walk alongside him who can offer grace, encouragement, hope, and accountability.

For all these men, I pray for God to work in their hearts and to provide for their families. Their families need them, and they need them to be good men.

by Jeff, Men’s Coaching Manager

*names changed for confidentiality

Fly the W for a Life Saved and a Family Transformed!

The Chicago Cubs baseball team has a tradition of flying a white W flag after a win. Here are two recent, very special wins from our medical services and parent coaching.

Abortion-determined Mom Chooses Life

“AD on now. Please pray,” the staff work chat read, sent from our mobile unit. AD, abortion-determined. So we prayed.

At the beginning of September, we had an abortion-determined mom walk on our mobile unit in South Bend for an ultrasound. Our hope in taking the mobile medical unit to South Bend is to reach women considering abortion at Whole Woman’s Health and we’re gaining traction in that area.

After this mom’s appointment, we were concerned she still might choose abortion. One of our nurses, Kim, followed up with her a few days later and, praise the Lord, she chose life for her baby and we were able to connect her with other services!

Fly the W!

Yay, Dad!

A Men’s Coaching client recently shared that one afternoon when his workday was over, he had brought his teenage daughter home from school, and they were chatting in the living room. He then stood up out of his chair, and his daughter asked, “Where are you going?” He answered, “I am going to my class at RETA.” “Why do you go there anyway? What are you doing there every week?” “I go so I can learn to be a better dad.” “Well, then you can sit right down in your chair, because you are a great dad!” He told this story with a sense of humility, and he was very touched by his daughter’s sweet words.

Fly the W!

Triplets?! Please Help.

This summer, I had the privilege of meeting with a mom on our mobile. She had been to RETA for a few of her other pregnancies, but this time was different; while she was happily married and had a beautiful family, she was not wanting to add yet another child to her large family. The thought of the complications from previous pregnancies, long hospital stays and medical issues with her younger children, and the stresses that everyday life brings was wearing her down. With a positive pregnancy test, she was overwhelmed and weary.  

Instead of excitement or amazement at the sight of her baby on the ultrasound, her sense of feeling overwhelmed grew exponentially…there were multiple babies on the screen! How could this young mom add multiple children to her large family and provide the care and nurture they all needed? Physically and emotionally she did not feel she had it in her to do this. I talked with her and helped her process what she was thinking and feeling, and prayed with her that God would give her the strength and peace she needed to complete this seemingly impossible task. In the following months I was able to stay in contact with her by phone and continued to pray with her.

Thanks to our wonderful supporters at RETA, not only were we able to provide her support during the initial ultrasound, but throughout her pregnancy until her babies were born! Per doctor’s orders, she was not allowed to do much work and was put on bedrest near the end of her pregnancy, so our gracious volunteers and staff took action and brought delicious meals to her family, helped out with housework, donated clothing for her children, and overwhelmed her family with love and prayerful support.

Her beautiful babies were born very premature, but amazingly the doctors did not have any concern or see any health issues with babies beyond their need to grow bigger to be sent home! That is very rare in a situation like this, but God supplied her with miracles in abundance!

by Melody, Nurse/Sonographer

$4.5 Million Goal Reached for New RETA Facility!

At the beginning of August, thanks to God’s provision through our amazing donors, we met our $4.5 million capital campaign goal! Thank you for everyone who has given or pledged to make this happen! Please enjoy the photos of the building progress since the last newsletter.

Though we’ve reached our campaign goal and there’s been significant progress on the building, it doesn't mean we're finished yet, as there's still much work ahead. There are things that come up during campaigns and building - unexpected issues during construction or those who pledged support being unable to fulfill their pledges. While we did our best to plan for the unexpected in our campaign budget, we want to encourage those of you who would still like to give to the campaign to do so at retaforlife.com/campaign.

Breaking Ground & Building a New RETA

We broke ground on the new RETA facility at the former Martin’s Pet & Garden property on the corner of Jackson Blvd. and 2nd St. in downtown Elkhart on April 15 alongside our builder (DJ Construction), designer (Abonmarche), and supporters, including the Community Foundation of Elkhart County, which provided RETA with a $1 million grant for the project. A month later, DJ Construction began demolition, tearing down parts of the existing facility built in the 1950’s and 70’s to make way for new construction. We’re renovating the oldest part of the building, the first post office of Elkhart, built in 1868. At the beginning of June, foundations were poured and recently backfilled. Within the next two months we’ll see the building go vertical.

As of writing, we are $105,000 away from meeting a $290,000 match to complete our $4.5 million capital campaign. Please consider giving to help finish our campaign by visiting retaforlife.com/campaign. You can also give by check made out to RETA with "building" in the memo line and mailed to 300 W. High St., Elkhart, IN 46516.

Teaching the Sanctity of Life

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” - Proverbs 22:6

Recently, RETA’s Advancement Director Rod was invited to teach a group of high school leadership interns at Harvest Community Church about what it means to have a biblical worldview in regard to the issue of life. Beginning with foundational scriptures about being made in the image of God, God forming us in our mothers’ wombs, and citing the equal retribution of injury for injury or life for life when one harms a woman causing her to give birth early, Rod helped the students understand what the Bible says about the sanctity of pre-born life.

After starting with Scripture, Rod then moved on to the science of life - beginning at conception and talking about the development of babies. He brought up everything from the humanity of all stages of life from zygote to elder, to baby’s heartbeat starting in the first 24 days of life, to citing studies showing pain centers are in place within the first three months of life.

Next, Rod brought up several arguments advocates of abortion typically use and broke them down. “Poverty or lack of money is one of the top reasons women choose abortion. Is that really ok to end a child’s life because you don’t feel you have enough money to raise them? If you had a two-year old and suddenly found yourself without a job, unable to care for them, is it ok to kill your two-year old? Absolutely not. How do you know circumstances won’t or can’t change? There are free pregnancy resource centers to help mom get the resources she needs and a mentor to walk beside her from pregnancy and beyond. There are also sliding scale fee, low cost federally qualified health clinics to get the medical help they need.” He also addressed several other topics from “my body, my choice” and babies with disabilities, to women’s empowerment and unequal women’s health care access to minorities/racism.

The students asked several great questions, from how to help friends who find themselves in an unplanned pregnancy to how to speak with those who have already made abortion decisions. Rod closed their time with the charge to speak up on behalf of those who can’t speak for themselves.

A Glimpse into the Lives of Men

Men participate in Men’s Coaching at RETA for a variety of reasons, with different motivations, and each brings a unique assortment of personal experiences through our doors. Some are good dads who will benefit from encouragement and guidance. Some will be new dads soon, and need information and assurance. Some have had issues with authority or legal concerns. Most want input about relationships, with their children as well as with the women in their life.

One client with legal issues found out his son was engaging in the same type of behavior that got dad in trouble. We talked about how to manage that potentially awkward discussion. Another dad of a young teen daughter is navigating the process of divorce while setting a good example. They have a good relationship and he is trying to balance her growing independence with his desire to provide important advice and direction. A third father has a blended family where there is competition with other parents for kids’ time and attention. Efforts to show affection and to communicate positively often fall victim to circumstances or assumptions or disrespect. Dad often struggles with self-confidence and self-destructive behavior.

You may be able to imagine the intense frustration some of these guys feel. Some days bring a roller coaster of emotions, and they have doubts about their positive influence. Even when men take responsibility for past poor choices, it usually still means having to work through consequences. Being teachable is an important quality that comes easier to some of us than others. In our sessions, guys are able to gain skills for communication, parenting, goal-setting, and more. They are able to talk about things that help them better manage their situations and have healthier relationships.

In a recent conversation, a client and I talked about how our sessions typically involve two components. One is being reflective; that is, not just charging forward or acting rashly or fixing something, as many men tend to do. Rather, guys are able to reflect on their situation and their past actions, and then are able to move forward with a little more insight. The other is being relationship centered; by this I mean most of the materials we cover are in the context of parenting or marriage or a dating relationship. In fact, most people do most things in the context of relationships. We make decisions, cook meals, make purchases, and do our work with at least some thought about how others will be affected.

Men’s Coaching offers more than idle talk about sports or cars or barbeque—although those are important, too. We want men to move forward with information, encouragement, skills, and hope, as they impact their families and our community.

by Jeff, Men’s Coaching Manager

From Abortion-minded to Parent-minded

In April we had an abortion-minded client call requesting information on where she could get an abortion. After informing her that we do not refer for abortions, she was still willing to talk with me on the phone about her options. I explained in detail what both a surgical and a chemical abortion looked like; what each medication would do and what she could expect physically and emotionally. At that time, she declined an offer for an ultrasound at RETA. But the staff prayed.

This woman explained her many reasons to choose an abortion: an 8-month-old and a 2-year-old at home, a history of life-threatening labor complications and pre-term birth, having a child die of SIDS, no family support, and indifference and lack of involvement by the baby’s father. Since working at RETA, I am learning to acknowledge and understand the very real fears and challenges these women face. Being face to face with a woman who is struggling, learning her story and what brought her to that point causes you to wonder, “If I was in her place what decision would I make?” Entering into our clients’ shoes helps me understand that if they abort, adopt or even parent, it is going to be hard, emotional, and messy. I am so grateful that God has allowed me to see how our staff and volunteers rally around the women we serve, no matter the outcome they decide. Adoption? Our nurses and advocates will help connect her with an adoption agency and encourage her to receive post-adoption counseling. Parenting? We’ll provide her with coaching support and material resources. Abortion? We will grieve her decision, but we will continue to love her, recognize her pain and provide her with abortion recovery support.

When I spoke with this client a week later she said she was planning to get a chemical abortion at her doctor’s office. Even though she had an appointment scheduled for the abortion she agreed to come to RETA for an ultrasound. What an answer to prayer! At the appointment, she was open to talking with one of our nurses about adoption more in depth, something our clients do not often want to discuss. She has since come back for a second ultrasound and voiced interest in coming for parenting classes. We don’t yet know what outcome she will choose, but we will continue to pray and invite you to pray with us.

by Darcy, Nurse/Sonographer

Meet Brittany, Our New Admin Nurse

Meet our new Administrative Nurse Brittany, who will be heading up our three other amazing nurses in our medical department! She will be diving right into ultrasound training and we could use your help. On July 7 and 24, Brittany is looking for several women 6-14 weeks pregnant she can do ultrasound scans on. Please help welcome Brittany and call us at 574-522-3888 to schedule your free ultrasound with her.

Here’s Brittany’s bio in her own words, “My name is Brittany Yoder, and I was born and raised in Goshen, Indiana. I attended Indiana Wesleyan University where I received a Bachelor’s of Science degree in Nursing. I currently reside in Middlebury with my husband, Kevin, and our three daughters. My background is primarily as an obstetrics nurse with some experience in pediatrics and pediatric intensive care. However, the last four years I have been a school nurse at York Elementary, on top of working very casually at Goshen Hospital on their OB unit.

My husband and I enjoy playing board games, camping, and watching our growing girls play sports. I love to cook, read, and watch movies with my family. We are active members at Sugar Grove Church, where Kevin and I teach 7th and 8th grade Sunday school. Over the years we have also been part of the children’s ministries and co-leaders of a small group. We are so excited God has called me to RETA and blessed to be part of such a wonderful team.”

A Mind Changed, A Life Saved

By Kim, Nurse/Sonographer

In the last month, a woman came into the office for a pregnancy test. She already had several positive tests at home and came to us looking for confirmation and support. One of the first things out of her mouth was, “I gotta have an abortion!” Over the next several minutes I asked questions about her situation and previous pregnancies. She has other children, one of whom is an infant. Several times she exclaimed, “That’s just too many kids!” We discussed her options and she said she knew abortion was wrong but didn’t know what else to do. At one point she stated, “I couldn’t do the surgical one, but I think I could do the pill.”

We continued to discuss the development of her baby and how the procedures were performed. I let her know about our Abortion Recovery groups, where many women come because they have regret from past abortions. I told her that if she knew in her heart that it was wrong, that there was a very good chance she would regret it. Later in the appointment, she said “Yeah, I could never do that. Maybe I should think about adoption.” We discussed her concerns and I gave her information regarding adoption. I also gave her a 6-week fetal model to take home and scheduled an ultrasound appointment. Before she left, I asked if she would like me to pray with her. She seemed very happy to do this and expressed her appreciation after. I let her know that we would continue to pray for her.

When she came back for her ultrasound appointment a couple weeks later, she had a very different perspective on things. She was planning to parent her child! In fact, she enrolled that same day in Moms’ Coaching and scheduled an appointment. I thank God for sending her to us and ask every day for Him to prepare us for the work we do.

From Absent Father to a Dad Who is Trying

By Jeff, Men’s Coaching Manager

A probation officer referred a man who has multiple children with more than one woman to Men’s Coaching; he is working through a variety of legal issues. He spends some time with a few of his kids, some more than others, and some he rarely sees.

Not long ago, he learned that he has a teenage daughter. He shared with me some of the reasons he has not been in her life. He has spoken with her by phone and they have shared messages a few times through social media and texts. Recently, she has become more standoffish and uncommunicative. She expressed to her dad that she does not understand why he never tried to find out about her, and why he hadn’t reached out earlier.

He did not want to just bad-mouth her mother and blame her for all the lost time, but he did not know how to convince the girl that he cared about her and wanted to know her better. He and I talked about the facts that he would be able to share, including his love for her. We discussed a daughter’s need for her father, and what this girl has missed out on. We talked about the emotions she might be feeling, and the details she may be thinking about. He said he knew how to talk to teens when he was a teen, but not how to talk to a teen as a dad.

I asked him to consider whether what his daughter really wanted from him was more information about the past, or something else. We were able to process through his daughter’s attitude and her words. I encouraged him to listen to her heart and to respond to her with his. I suggested that one day, what will matter to her and what will make an impact, are the efforts he makes going forward, regardless of the past. We brainstormed about some specific ways they could connect, in person and with what is in their hearts. He continues to reach out, and hopes to build a stronger bond. Kids of all ages need to know that their parents are excited to know them, and that they will do what it takes to strengthen their relationship.

The Little Things in Moms’ Coaching

By Joni, Client Services Manager

Short Story 1 | A client recently stopped in to give her offering as a donation to RETA. She shared that money is tight because her husband is without work, but they’ve been setting a portion of their income aside each week to give. Though she is the only one working, she said they were going to live by faith and be obedient to the Lord. Her obedience and faithfulness was a testimony to the work of Christ in her life. She blessed us so much that day.

Short Story 2 | During a recent moms’ coaching appointment, a client shared that she wasn’t interested in faith after I shared she could earn extra money to our Family Store by memorizing a Bible verse. I explained that her daughter could also recite a verse to earn money to buy a toy from our Family Store. At her next visit, her young daughter recited a verse from Psalm 51. The mom let me know she too had memorized a verse. She recited Romans 6:23. “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” She was open to me praying for her as we ended our time that day. Seeds are continuing to be planted and watered. We pray they grow to fruition.

When a Client Goes Through with Abortion, God Doesn’t Give Up

By Darcy, Nurse/Sonographer

Back in February, we had an abortion-determined client call asking if we performed abortions and wanted specific information about how to get one. We were very upfront with her that we do not provide or refer for abortions. Despite knowing this information, she didn’t hang up. In fact, she did the opposite. She talked with me for quite a while, asking questions and allowing me to explain all her options for her pregnancy. While she did not live in our community, I was able to set her up with an appointment for an ultrasound at another pregnancy clinic out of state. This woman, though she was very adamant that she was going to have an abortion, continued to allow me to call her for several weeks. Every time I ended a phone conversation with her, she said I could call her again to see how she was doing and that she appreciated my prayers.

Despite my prayers for life, this woman chose to have an abortion. In my sorrow over this loss of life, God reminded me of his goodness. Even though this client chose abortion, I was able to pray with her multiple times. I had conversations with her that conveyed the value and worth of both her child’s life and hers. I let her know that she is still loved regardless of the decision she made. She knows that she is not alone and that she can come to us at any time if she needs help processing the decision she made to find healing, freedom and forgiveness. I rest in the fact that, though the outcome I’d hoped for didn’t happen, God is sovereign and faithful and is still pursuing her.

Cultivating Friendship in Marriage

By Jeff, Men’s Coaching Manager

A husband and wife have been coming for Couples’ Coaching for a while. They have some struggles that go back to the beginning of their marriage, while some have come to light more recently. I have challenged them to be specific with each other about their needs and about what would communicate love to them. They have both invested some creative energy, and have shown kindness and thoughtfulness to each other in new ways.

In one of our sessions, they talked about how when the husband does things for his wife, she expresses a great level of appreciation, and he feels rewarded by that. However, when the wife does things for her husband, he does not express much appreciation, and this has felt hurtful to her. There does not always seem to be an equality of effort, and we may return to this issue again.

Not too long ago, the husband shared that when they make big or special plans, something always seems to go wrong and ruins whatever they wanted to take place. He was frustrated about what to do next and whether it would even matter. I asked about what a fun day would be for his wife, what would feel special to her, and he offered a few ideas. I suggested that he pursue one of those activities in order to just have fun as friends, and not think about making it a grand, romantic gesture.

A couple days later, he surprised his wife at work by showing up with soft pretzels and their kids. She saw this as generous, and intentional, and she was very thankful. This led to more conversations about how they could reciprocate acts of love for each other from an internal motivation. I believe that as married couples cultivate their friendship, it can deepen the marriage relationship, and that is good for mom, dad and the kids.

Welcome, Baby Girl!

A new baby girl, Alahia was born to a young couple in early November, weighing in at 8.5 lbs and 21 inches long. Such a big girl for first-time parents!

Dad works hard on first shift and Mom cares for Alahia at home. After an April ultrasound at RETA, they have been faithful to Couples’ Coaching appointments. They have been motivated, curious and excited to learn all they could about becoming a father and mother.

In the summer, Dad unfortunately experienced both a COVID diagnosis and a hand injury, which prevented him from working for a short time. He has done a good job stepping up and taking responsibility, and being open about his commitment to their baby and being a good dad. I have made a point to affirm his attitude and behavior; not every expectant father does what he has done.

Every time they have been in for an appointment and used their dollars in the Family Store they have expressed strong gratitude for what we offer. Having clothes, pacifiers, diapers, etc. ahead of time helped them feel more prepared and confident.

He had some concerns about what to do when the baby cries, and about how to not be stressed out by it. Spending time with relatives’ kids who cried and were loud had made him wonder how he would ever handle that. She struggled with sleep issues during pregnancy. They were both fairly worried about what to expect during the birth. Baby was out of position as the due date neared, and they were hoping baby would shift so they could have a normal delivery.

All went well on the big day, and they texted and emailed some very cute photos to me the day after Alahia’s birth. They came in a few days ago, and I was able to hold her; she didn’t complain, just looked around with her big, beautiful eyes. Dad showed me his tattoo with her name—he had it put on recently, explaining that he waited until she was born to make sure she really was the girl they were planning for.

They are upbeat and positive about how happy and healthy their baby is, that she is sleeping and eating well. Nobody else is babysitting yet as they are doing their best to maintain good health, but grandmas have been able to hold Alahia a few times. This young couple is doing what they need to do and are on a good path toward being a strong family. Your prayers for clients and staff and support of RETA makes stories like this possible!

by Jeff, Men’s Coaching Manager

The Challenge of Coaching Men

Common issues with the men who come to RETA are communication, handling frustration and anger, and rebuilding trust. Other concerns include overcoming mental and emotional obstacles so they can overcome other obstacles, and disagreements about how to discipline children. Sometimes their anger has spilled out verbally on their family, and there is a mess to clean up. Men often want to have discussions with no emotion involved, and to see orderly behavior. Men often want to be understood and be agreed with, without questions from mom or kids. The parenting experiences that dads and moms had as children vary greatly, and affect their own parenting and communication styles in ways they are not always aware of.

In addition to speaking and listening differently, men and women often express love and affection differently. Respect feels and looks different to men and women; guys often show people that they are valuable to them in different ways than women do.

I have found that many people (myself included at times) tend to excuse their own behavior, and disregard advice from someone who has not actually walked in their shoes. Most of us want to present the best of ourselves and not tell about our mistakes. We want other people to change their attitudes or behavior without acknowledging that our own could use a tune-up. We point a finger at others but ignore the four fingers pointing back at us.

You may not have personal experience with what I have shared above, or maybe you now have a lot of questions! You may feel some statements are too general. You might think, “Those kinds of conversations would wear me out.” I can tell you that Men’s Coaching is a challenge and that it is worth it. Sometimes the same issues are raised by multiple clients or couples in the same day or week, and I wonder what is happening in our community. But as men or couples come in, they experience respect, honesty, grace, coaching from a Biblical perspective and stories about my own mistakes. As they open their minds to truth and their hearts to the Lord, we will continue to see marriages restored and men living out what God meant them to be. 

by Jeff, Men’s Coaching Manager